Stop Worrying About the Bucks Night in 5 Steps

The words “buck’s night” are enough to send shivers down the spine of just about any bride-to-be.

If you’re lucky, it means your beau goes on a fishing trip or has a BBQ with the guys and maybe has a few too many beers – no big deal. But if his groomsmen go the more risqué (and often more popular) route of bars, booze and boobs, then you might have a problem on your hands.

We all want to be that super cool, no-worries kind of girl who doesn’t bat an eyelid at this sort of thing – and if you are, good for you! – but there are some (myself included) who just aren’t wired that way. I personally feel there’s a definite social pressure to “let boys be boys”; this idea that if you speak your mind about what you consider to be overstepping the boundaries, you’re a prude (or worse, a “typical woman” out to ruin your fiancé’s supposed last night of freedom).

Too often we try to ignore unwanted and difficult feelings by pushing them from our minds. But ultimately, by keeping these concerns on the down-low, you could end up hurting not only yourself but your pending marriage, too, before you’ve even walked down the aisle. You risk a build-up of resentment within yourself, all the while setting a precedent for tiptoeing around important issues.

So how can all of this be avoided?

Self Awareness

A good starting point is to consider why you feel this way in the first place. What in particular is worrying you? Is it that you don’t entirely trust your fiancé, or perhaps his friends and the influence they have over him? Or do you simply feel uncomfortable at the thought of an X-rated party (especially one where you aren’t there to keep an eye on things)?  By taking the time to understand your own feelings fully, you’re more likely to be able to explain them to your guy in a way that doesn’t seem irrational or motivated by clinginess.

Open a Conversation

When the time comes to have this conversation, you should carefully monitor the way you phrase things and consciously avoid a confrontational tone. The last thing you want is to have it spiral out into an argument where you come off looking jealous and irrational, when actually what you wanted was to have a mature and open conversation. At this stage, you can define some buck’s night boundaries together, not forgetting to consider his preferences, too, when it comes to your hen party.

Identify Your Concerns

For utmost clarity, be specific about what is and what is not okay. For starters, are one-on-one, private dances allowed or should things be kept to crowd entertainment? Are there any specific acts that you would consider cheating? What level of nudity (if at all) is okay, and what sorts of settings are acceptable? (For example, a club setting implies a different level of intimacy than, say, a hotel room, even if both are in the context of a group of his pals.)

Keep an Equal Playing Field

Most of all, it’s important to emphasise that your requests are just that – requests – and that although they’re based on things you feel strongly about, they’re not demands or hard rules with no compromise. Just as you’re asking him to respect your wishes, you should respect him enough to hear him out, too. Once you’ve established common ground and are clear on all points, you then need to be sure that his mates are made aware of your feelings and that they respect them. The best way is to let your beau to speak directly to his best man and/or groomsmen so that they can adjust any plans for the night accordingly.

Look After Yourself

On the night of the bachelor party, the worst thing you can do is stay at home, staring at your phone and picturing in vivid detail anything and everything that could possibly be happening at that very moment. Distraction is key. You could plan your own ladies’ night out or spend your time doing something practical to keep your mind off things, like making bombonieres with your bridesmaids or finalising seating arrangements for the big day.

After the dreaded event, resist the urge to grill your man about every little detail. Instead, keep it simple and ask him how the night was. If there are any issues, they should be talked out then and there as far as possible. And if he really is all he’s cracked up to be, chances are he spent the entire night thinking of you anyway, or drunkenly rambling to anyone who would listen about how wonderful you are and how lucky he feels to be marrying you. And lucky he is indeed.