Marrying into talent: how to handle feelings of inadequacy in your relationship

By November 5, 2013Blog

BBLRThe world can generally be divided up into two main groups of people: those who are super talented, and those that spend their lives feeling inadequate because they believe they are not talented at all. The first group usually consists of a mash-up of children who skip grades, Broadway performers, and families where every single member becomes either a doctor or a lawyer (or both).

The second group contains the rest of us mere mortals, people so ordinary it’s surprising ‘mediocre’ is not our middle name. All goes nicely in this fair and just world when outwardly talented people marry other outwardly talented people. But sometimes the opposite happens: people without a great deal of visible talent or accomplishments marry into a family who all mastered Calculus in the womb. Here, we’ll focus on what it’s like for a ‘mere mortal’ to marry into a family of diplomas, awards and recognition, and how to handle any feelings of inadequacy that may arise because of it.

If you’re marrying into an annoyingly gifted family, it can be daunting, to say the least. Whether they are all music geniuses or philosophy academics, annoyingly gifted people all have similar traits that can come across as perfection at first. Of course, nobody is perfect, or even close, but that’s not to say you won’t feel intimidated when you initially get to know your partner and his family. The good news is that relationships like this are possible, and they happen all the time. The bad news is that there will be times you might feel like the only red jellybean in a jar full of black ones, or the one person on the train wearing head-to-toe polka dots. But as the old saying goes, opposites do have a way of attracting, and a relationship that may seem to not make sense at first can often end up working out really well.

People become attracted to other people for a smorgasbord of reasons. What you’ve got to remind yourself of is that your partner has chosen you because you possess traits that complement his own; traits that he may not actually have. So while he may have a wall full of university diplomas or a shelf of sporting trophies, there is obviously something about you that he finds attracting – something that transcends just your physical appearance. You have your own unique set of talents, and while they may not be talents that are obvious to the world, they are talents nevertheless, and you deserve to recognize them.

So next time you get together with your fiancés family and they begin a heated discussion about quantum physics, don’t let yourself go down the track of feeling inadequate. Yes, you may have good reason to feel like the black sheep that turned pink with embarrassment, but you also have good reason to take a step back, observe, and delight in the fact that it’s our differences rather than our similarities that unites us. And anyway, being able to transform from a black sheep to a pink one is a pretty awesome talent, don’t you think?



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