We have seen it numerous times – brides and grooms getting on with hosting their wedding days; not giving each other any special attention only to meet after the wedding asking: So how was your day?
This is not because they wanted this to happen, it is just the way some weddings pan out. To find the roots of this problem, one should step back a few paces and see the couple in their normal social settings as hosts. How do they interact with their friends and acquaintances at a party where they are not the main guests and what style do they take on as hosts?
Men tend to socialise in more open patterns, a bit louder than woman and with larger body postures. The social orientated guy for instance makes sure that every person in his immediate surrounds knows that they are welcome and he treats them each as the most important person. Loud welcomes and a slight touch of the arm when joining the group makes newcomers feel welcome as they arrive.
Step ahead and see this guy at his wedding, talking to every person with gusto and giving guests all the attention they want. He thanks guests for coming, direct them to food and drink and takes care of those that need some help in socialising at his wedding. He is a busy man, way too busy to make his new wife feel like a princess.
But somehow this is ok with her. She is not getting married to a stranger, she knows how he operates and found her role in his social patterns a long time ago. The usual support act she provides comes from a much quieter place, making sure she never steals his thunder. The guy passes any guest – with needs that may take a bit of effort – onto her and she ensures that they too are happy and comfortable.
At her wedding, the supporting bride simply does what she knows best – help her man entertain and keep guests happy and looked after. She usually is the one that will call in on her new husband from time to time by simply hugging his waist or putting her arm round his back. Just letting him know that she is there for him. He smiles at her warmly and sends her off again to party.
The opposite is true with couples that seldom find themselves as head entertainers. They do not have the social skills to host a dinner party and now find themselves facing 200+ guests at their weddings. This couple seeks each other continuously at weddings, clutching their partners like they are about to loose them forever.
To cope with the massive task of keeping guests happy, they tend to move from table to table or group to group where they quietly join a group and then stand around waiting for some one else to take the social lead. After a few minutes of small talk and stiff socialising they wander off to the next group only to repeat their performance. Guests are mostly left to entertain themselves.
Somewhere in the middle of these two extremes you find the majority of couples. A little flustered with all of the attention and working hard to keep each other in sight and in mind, these couples find a way to enjoy their own weddings. They follow the ebb and flow of social interaction and steal some very precious moments to catch up with their new partners.
Their weddings are also talked about later on and phrases like ‘what a great wedding, what a relaxed couple and loved the whole wedding’ float round dinner tables in months to follow. Could it thus be wise to sort of decide how you are going to host your wedding on a social scale?
The answer is yes and the time to take action is right now. Talk to each other when you host events – tell her that this is what you plan to do at your wedding and check if this was what she is dreaming about. The same applies for less skilled couples – make that effort to invite people over and work those social skills. It will be worth your efforts.